Caring for Aging or Ailing Parents
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Millions of children tend to aging parents every year. And according to a report from the U.S. Census Bureau (March 6, 2006), many more will face this challenge in the future. The population age 65 and over is expected to double in size within the next two decades. And by 2030, almost 1-out-of-5 Americans — nearly 72 million people — will be 65 years or older. Currently, those 85 and older are the fastest growing segment of the U.S. population.
Whether you care for a loved one in your own home, or from a distance, the responsibilities can alter your life, increase your level of stress, and tax your key relationships. At the same time, caring for older parents can be richly rewarding, a strong witness to friends and family, and an honor to the Lord.
While each family and care situation is different, there are some basic principles to think about as you and your family approach this season of life.
To begin with, discuss with your spouse what level of care you’re able to provide. Will you be the only sibling involved in day-to-day care? What can other family members contribute in terms of time, energy, and if necessary, financial assistance. Is it feasible for you and your spouse to invite your loved one to live in your home? It’s a good rule to always include the parent in question in any discussions and decisions about their care.
According to a study by the National Council on Aging, nearly 7 million Americans travel at least one hour or more to care for an older relative. This was certainly true of Karen Gates, who coordinated her parents care in Michigan from her home in Colorado. Karen spent large chunks of time telecommuting – and commuting back and forth to each state. After her father passed away, her mother moved in with her and her husband Steve.
Karen worked fulltime, but for a season, she enlisted the help of a home health care worker, and Steve, who had flexible work hours. When her mother’s health deteriorated – she suffered from dementia and major depression – and the cost of caring for her at home became prohibitive, the Gates found a small group home for the elderly just up the street. “Here she had round the clock care in a small community with caring workers,” said Karen.
Whether your loved one lives in your home, in their own home, in assisted living, or a care facility, you’ll need to assume certain practical tasks – and also begin to consider what kind of assistance they might need in the future. Daily care might include paying their bills, shopping, cooking, transporting them to and from appointments, watching television and eating with them, or helping them engage socially with the outside world.
As their health deteriorates, you might be called to assume greater levels of daily needs, manage their finances, and supervise their medical care. “Be prepared to be their advocate for every doctor and health care provider,” said Karen Gates. “Do your research, accept the responsibility, and ensure they’re getting what they need.”
Caring for your loved one may coincide with tending to the needs of children and your home, working a full time job, maintaining a relationship with your spouse, and planning for your future. Oftentimes you’ll feel the weight of the world on your shoulders; therefore, it’s crucial to engage in activities that will replenish your emotional, spiritual and physical storehouses.
It’s also vital to find a circle of support, and glean wisdom from those in your community and church, especially from those who’ve cared for, or who are caring for, ailing or elderly parents.
“Be gentle with yourself, gather others around you who’ve walked the road, and know that God sees and hears you,” said Sallie Ross, who leads the women’s ministry at the International Anglican Church in Colorado Springs, and who cared for her elderly mom.